Too much of a challenge dating
(Photo: Stuart Mudie) The truth is, ‘being challenging’ doesn’t mean putting up obstacles he has to get over.It means being exceptional enough that he wants to live up to your standard. But you’re being honest in a way that directly says “I don’t value something you invested your heart and soul into”, which translates in his mind to: “I don’t value what you do.” Whether you’re just trying to act unfazed, or are spilling your brutally honest opinion, this is only going to make a guy feel worth less than his best around you and drive him want to be around someone who actually values his accomplishments.* * * * * * * * * * * * The best thing about the three techniques above is that they give you power and influence over the way a guy feels, you having to play games or be fake.Matt and I have always resisted the hard-to-get approach, not only because it leads you to pretend , but simply because, as you can see above, it so seldom works!So if he asks you about sports, after you tell him what you play, you can say: “Physical activity is so important to me. What To Do Instead: Display integrity in front of others I’m not saying you can’t make jokes about him in company, but you never want to make him a rival.I love a guy who makes time to keep fit.” This way, even if he’s not living up to a certain standard right now, you are subconsciously telling him: “I’m not impossible to impress, but I have certain standards”. 2: Mocking him in front of others Only a rookie tries to be challenging by knocking a guy’s ego in front of others. Otherwise he’s going to become defensive and close up in your presence. This means vocalizing when you disagree with him and not following whatever he thinks, but also showing a respect for his opinion and always laughing .“Unless you are exceptionally sociable, meeting new people can be stressful and incredibly tiring, as well as fun.
“Tell your friends you are looking for a relationship [if this is the case] so they can help you.
Peruse the small ads but don't get addicted to the porridge pot of infinite possibilities offered by the internet. Challenge yourself to do one slightly adventurous thing per week.
The writing of the books was precipitated by the endemic dating woes on the Harvard campus as I observed them as an advisor and, earlier, indulged in them as a student.
This is article #37 to be published on the Get The Guy blog from my brother Stephen.
Steve helped co-write the Get The Guy book and is a wealth of knowledge on dating and relationships.